HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
