you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize