I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
