it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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