Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
