the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
