We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
