I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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