i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
