he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In other news, I just burned my penis
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
