and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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