no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
