I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
