Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
