Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
