if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
