gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
