Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
