I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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