she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
