we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
