Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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