dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
