I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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