There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
