I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
