i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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