Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
