Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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