I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
