you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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