I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
