the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
