I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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