roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
