the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
