I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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