he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize