Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
