My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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