Your mouth is God's brothel.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize