Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
