Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
