I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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