The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
