I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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