last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
