woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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