i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
