I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
