party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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