I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
