He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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