Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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