I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
