I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
