Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
