How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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