The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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