She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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