Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
