Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
