I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
