Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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