She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
