i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
