Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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