It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
