He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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