The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
