matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
