His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize