You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
