i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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