I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
