I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
