This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
