perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
