It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
