C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
