i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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