On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
