Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
