wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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