I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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