Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
