sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
