Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
