If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
