I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
