My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
