the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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