Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
