The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
