closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Boobs are out for the taking
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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