do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
