I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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