I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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