it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize