I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
