the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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