it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
