Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
